im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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