I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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