the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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