So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
