..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
