if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Lo siento on account of my penis...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
