Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
