Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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