No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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