Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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