Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
