It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
tell me about the eggs
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