My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We are all done wearing pants today
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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