at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I want a musical about memes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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