She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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