i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I touched a dick in church today
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
