My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
