no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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