Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
