I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
