I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
