i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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