Got a toothbrush?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my liver is dry heaving
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
