I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
