As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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