At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
