I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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