i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
