Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
