how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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