Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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