I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
