But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
