I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
