At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
