I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
