Need sex. Gaining weight.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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