nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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