lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
