8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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