I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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