I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
