so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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