So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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