Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just found puke in my bra..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
