Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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