somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
