Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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