pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
