I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
