I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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