You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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