So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
