Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
