then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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