I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
