Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
