Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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