I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
